so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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