don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
