They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
