My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
