The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
