i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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