She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
