Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
