Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize