I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
