speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
