He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
