I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
