sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
