i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
