..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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