Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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