I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
