There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
