The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
