these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
