God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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