i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
