***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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