I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
