Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
