i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
