Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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