Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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