i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
love makes seman taste better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
