I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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