can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
