put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize