just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
