That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
