did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize