i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
