: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wear drunk well.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
