the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
