the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
