I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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