FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
