What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
