Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
