I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
