i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
