And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
