Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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