My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He better not be in your backpack
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
