she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
