Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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