flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my being single is dangerous.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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