maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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