you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
