1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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