yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
