her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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