this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
