I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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