Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
