He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
