I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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