The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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