Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
