I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
