i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They took my balls.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
