How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
