Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
