he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
